The other day I posted something to the Facebook fan page; I can't even remember what exactly, but there must have been a reference to me being single and it shocked one of my readers. Obviously, I did not expect ALL 2700+ Facebook fans to tune in last year when I subtly announced my separation and divorce from my husband. But the majority of people know and have been exceptionally supportive, especially at my initial announcement.
So, here I am. About 8 months later. Holy crap time flew by! And so I thought I might share what I call MY pros and cons of MY divorce. Not yours! But mine. So, maybe you'll laugh and agree with me and maybe you won't. Regardless, here we go!
THE PARTS THAT SUCK (to be blunt)
- I'm on trash duty. Dammit. I hate taking out the trash to the street. Almost as much as I hate dragging it back up the driveway when it's empty. Every other week I get lucky and my gardener takes it out (taking pity on the single girl). And sometimes my neighbor will bring my trash cans up my driveway, half way (someone else taking pity on the single girl) but not too much pity or he'd roll those suckers all the way to my gate. Whatever. Trust, no complaints here.
- Date night. What date night? Something that used to be a given every week has now become something I have to work at?? And after 10 years of not dating this should be fun....right? Sigh...
- I have to kill all the spiders now. fml. Those days of screaming in pitches that only my dog could hear are over. Why? Because screaming no longer equals a boy running in to rescue me from my 8-legged attacker. I and I alone have to defend myself against all things creepy and crawly that decide to invade my home. And it's awful.
- Who's going to wait on me hand and foot when I get sick?? Who will bring me tissues and soup? Oh, that's right. Me.
- Who's going to bring me coffee in bed in the morning's while I canvass all my favorite blogs? Oh, that's right. Me. (And yes, I was a tad spoiled at times. This I know.)
- The obvious, dreaded, sleeping alone. I'm 31 years old and even though I've got my dog with me, I still sleep with a light on in the kitchen because sleeping alone is scary ya'll! And who's going to get up and check on scary noises??
- Am I ever going to have sex again? Even as I think it, I laugh. Because it's a stupid thought but seemingly valid all at the same time. I'm 31. Not 81. So for my sake, I fucking hope so!
- I have no one to wake up and bother with useless information I read on TMZ.
- No one to cook for. But then again I never really did too much of that anyway.
- And last but not least, holidays. Let me tell you. I've never seen Christmas cheer sucked out of a room faster than when I opened a box of decorations and pulled out a stocking with my ex-husband's glittery, puffy-painted name prominently shining for all to see. Looking around at everyone's expressions of awkwardness as I tossed the stocking in the trash can was definitely the highlight of the season.
There is always a silver lining. You just have to look for it.
THE PARTS THAT DON'T SUCK!
- Sometimes sleeping alone is not the worst thing in the world. Finally, no more fights over the covers or that my body is "emitting too much heat" lol....what can I say? I'm half latin and we are known for being HOT-blooded. This I cannot help. But it's nice to stretch out and take over the whole bed. Mine. Allllll mine.
- It's so nice not to hear "I'm hungry" every 30 minutes. And you'd think I was referring to a child. But no. I can eat what I want, when I want. If I had eaten every single time my ex-husband ate, I'd probably be running a foodie blog instead of a fashion one. My appetite, while healthy, is no match for that of a man's and I am not trying to keep up. Arguments over when and what and where we're eating is not something I miss.
- EVERYTHING IS ALWAYS CLEAN!! Yesssss....my home is finally the pristine sanctuary I always dreamed it would be. Probably my favorite perk of this whole divorce thang is not having to pick up after someone all the time. Especially when that someone grew up with a housekeeper and expected me to be her replacement. As a wife, keeping house is a no-brainer. But some men take advantage of that womanly notion. I for one am glad I have only myself and my dog to tidy up after now.
- Finally, not having to answer to someone. I guess this one may sound a little self-righteous, but it is nice to be the sole decision-maker in what happens in my daily life. To come and go as I please. To be my own person again.
In the beginning, there was nothing easy about being divorced. I can actually remember my heart physically hurting, trying to catch my breath as I sobbed and sobbed, endlessly. Asking friends when was the crying going to end? I literally thought I would never stop crying.
Remember that part in the first Sex and the City movie, where Carrie is depressed and totally forlorn after Big decides he can't marry her? And she's in Mexico with her crew. And she asks, "Will I ever laugh again?" And their response is, "Yes. When something is really funny."
And it's true. I did laugh again. And my sadness is nothing more than a memory. An experience. A life-lesson.
One day, I know, I will probably be fighting over the sheets with someone else and possibly complaining that he's missed the laundry basket again.....but until then I'm happy. I'm finally happy and willing and ready to take on whatever comes my way.